17我们必须问问自己,在我们的经历中,我们怎样蒙主所保守。有些人会说,他们因信得蒙保守。他们也许会祷告说:“主耶稣,我没有信心,求你赐给我信心,使我能彀相信我是在你手中,并且你一直保守我。”我常常这样祷告,我有许多这种祷告和 相信的经历。但我愈这样祷告,好像就愈不信靠主;我愈求信心,好像就愈没有信心。许多基督徒都有类似的经历。也许你祷告说:“主阿,你是保守我的,你有保守的恩典,你有能力保守我,而且你还爱我。主阿,怀抱我,保守我。但是主,你知道难处一来,我就好像甚么都忘了。因此,主,我求你用你的信心来注入我里面。主阿, 把你自己当作活的信心注入我里面。”可是你愈这样祷告,信心似乎愈少注入到你里面。四十年前,我患了严重的肺病。那段时间我对主会医治我没有信心。当然,我没有 失去对主的基本信仰,就是得救的信心;但我对于主会医治我的肺病的确失去了信心。长老、同工、教会并众圣徒都为我祷告。我向圣徒们释放了许多篇信息,告诉他们说,主是信实的,而且嘱咐他们要相信祂。我鼓励他们要信靠祂,因祂绝不会背弃他们。后来我病了,发觉要信靠主很不容易。有位姊妹每天三次送饭食给我,和我谈到信心。她问我为甚么我没有信心主会医治我。我对她说:“是的,姊妹,我一点信心也没有。你能帮助我,告诉我信心是甚么吗?”我会问她这样的问题好像很特别。她是因着我传福音而得救的,而现在我要求她告诉我信心是甚么。她非常惊讶,无法答 覆我。事实上,每一位传道人的光景都是这样。
17We need to ask ourselves how in our experience we are held by the Lord. Some may say that they are held by faith. They may pray, “Lord Jesus, I don’t have any faith. Please give me the faith so that I can believe that I am in Your hand and that You are holding me.” I have often prayed in this way. I have had many experiences of this kind of prayer and of this kind of believing. But the more I prayed like this, the less I seemed to trust in the Lord. The more I asked for faith, the less faith I had. Many other Christians have had a similar experience. Perhaps you have prayed, “Lord, You are my Keeper. You have the keeping grace, You have the power to hold me, and You love me. Lord, embrace me and preserve me. But You know, Lord, when trouble comes, I seem to forget everything. Therefore, Lord, I ask You to infuse me with Your faith. O Lord, infuse Yourself into me as my living faith.” But the more you pray like this, the less it seems that faith is infused into you. Forty years ago I became seriously ill of tuberculosis. During that time I did not have any faith that the Lord would heal me. Of course, I did not lose my basic faith, the saving faith, in the Lord. But I did lose any faith that the Lord would heal me of tuberculosis. The elders, the co-workers, and the church with all the saints prayed for me. I had given a number of messages to the saints telling them that the Lord is faithful and charging them to believe in Him. I encouraged them to trust in Him, for He would never fail them. Then I became ill and found it difficult to trust in the Lord. A certain sister who brought my food to me three times a day talked with me about faith. She asked me why I did not have the faith that the Lord would heal me. I said to her, “Sister, you are right. I don’t have a bit of faith. Can you please help me and tell me what faith is?” It seemed rather strange that I would ask her such a question. She had been saved through my preaching, and now I was asking her to tell me what faith is. She was very surprised and was not able to answer me. Actually, the situation of every preacher is like this.